


There is a garden within my lungs

by HiraKiaShi



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Blood, Crushes, Crying, Guilt, M/M, Marijuana, Recreational Drug Use, basically I might’ve found the medical cure for Hanahaki and ofc it’s weed, friends to war comrades to lovers, hanahaki, part one SPOILERS, soft and smol meets buff and big
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2019-08-14
Packaged: 2020-08-14 03:13:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20185309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HiraKiaShi/pseuds/HiraKiaShi
Summary: There is a garden within my lungsI think it was you who left it thereThey grow full and lovelyBut cannot show their beautyIgnatz catches the very rare Hanahaki disease. Byleth is racing for a cure, and Raphael can only watch as his friend slowly retches blood tinted flowers.





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> Fell in love with this ship, but without much content I thought I should contribute.  
Contribute with angst and soft hugs.  
This is loosely followed by their support, and it might spoil both C and B, but it’s not a too big part of the overall story.  
PLEASE let me know if there are any errors. This is unbeta’d. And I want to be sure it is well for everyone.

Ignatz leaned over the bench and coughed. Hand over his mouth, in an attempt to muffle the noise. Still, Professor Byleth heard, and lightly patted his back.  
“The cold season is upon you. Take a tablespoon of honey to ease your throat.”  
“R-right.”  
Ignatz closed his hand tightly, embarrassed that whatever was bothering his throat finally flew out.  
As the teacher left, Ignatz unfurled his hand, and stared at a crumpled leaf.  
“I must’ve inhaled it unknowingly.”  
He watched it fall to the grass, and retired for the night. 

—————

“I know what you’re about to say. Please don’t.”  
Raphael sounded defeated. The book he was reading hung loosely in his hand as he propped it over his knee.  
The shade of the tree was relaxing under the continuous summer heat, and a lovely view.  
While Ignatz sketched it, Raphael tried to read. The hesitating stare from Ignatz was easy to notice.  
“I- I wasn’t going to say anything.” He lied.  
Raphael turned and gave him a tired look, and Ignatz knew there was no use hiding it.  
“I just-“  
“Please,” it sounded like a beg, “I hate seeing you like this.” 

Ignatz felt his shoulders fall, guilt and shame must still paint his face. Even after all of this time, he just couldn’t forget the death of Raphael’s parents. And the recent discovery told them that it was due to his own parents decision. That if it wasn’t for Ignatz’s parents being too busy, they would have been the ones to pass, and not Raphael’s.  
“They were just so kind. Even if I was in no way related, they loved me as if I was one of their own. I feel like I lost part of my family, and it’s my own family’s fault.” 

Raphael sighed, but didn’t push Ignatz away like he usually did when he got like this. Instead, Ignatz was pulled closer, large arms pulling him to Raphael’s chest.  
Ignatz felt an overflow of emotions flush his face red, and his chest huff uncontrollably. His ear pressed to Raphael’s chest, he heard the rumble of talking before he even spoke.  
“I didn’t stop to think about their death would’ve affected you. I was too occupied about not thinking about it myself. You were like family to them, I should’ve known it would’ve affected you the same way.”  
Ignatz hiccuped, trying to hold back sobs so none would hear. He hated this feeling. He was overcome with grief over something that happened  
Years ago, he was vulnerable, he couldn’t cry now.  
“I’m sorry,” Raphael whispered. And his hand softly rubbed Ignatz’s back. That was all it took for everything to break free. Emotions overflowed, and he hid his face and muffled his wails into his friend’s chest. 

——————

Ignatz picked up the note that was slid under his door. It must’ve been slipped there before he even woke up, and he worried that maybe someone tried to knock at his door.  
Raphael’s cursive was decent, but blocky, as if he had to remind himself to not allow the pen to lift from the paper too soon.  
‘I wanted to apologize again about everything. It was truly selfish of me to not consider your point of view in the situation for so long. While I have healed, I was oblivious to see that you haven’t even begun to. That being Said, if you need me, I will anyways be there. Let’s be friends again.’ 

Ignatz smiled at the note, and stared at Raphael’s signature at the bottom. The cursive was perfect, unlike the rest of the letter. It was due to having sign his name for so long, and his family teaching him the same that Ignatz’s taught him.  
“Your signature is everything. It must be unique to you, so none can steal it. On contracts, deals, and bills you must be sure it is unique to everyone else’s.” It was a common merchant teaching. 

Ignatz felt his throat become raw and quickly covered his mouth to muffle the coughing fit. It was as if he swallowed drink down his air pipe, choking on nothing until it finally came up.  
In his hand, a petal with soft edges and white-yellow spotting was covered in his own saliva.  
His hair stood on end.  
“Had to have been something from last night.”  
He crumpled it and threw it in the trash by his desk. The note he set atop of his books. 

—————-

The coughing and partial retching subsided when Raphael was around.. it was diagnosed as a bad seasonal cold, and Ignatz hoped the odd petals in his throat was simply something different. He was to spend the next few days in his room until it subsided. Ignatz wondered if he should mention to anyone, but in that moment, with Raphael sitting on a chair beside him as he sat up in the bed, it was comforting.  
“You can’t make it to class, so Teach said I can help you catch up. She said it would be good study time for me too. Since I’m not exactly the greatest at it.” 

When their study session was over, and the chapel bells rang, Raphael left. In the door, he called back.  
“If you need me, I’m just a few rooms down, okay? I’ll bring you some water in case you need it tonight.”  
Ignatz smiles and nodded  
“Right. Thank you, Raphael. I’m sure I’ll be back into shape soon enough.” 

He coughed uncontrollably after a moment of solitude. Ignatz stared at the same petals as before. This time, spotted in blood.  
—————

“Hanahaki.”  
“Hana-what now?”  
Manuela shushed Byleth, trying not to awake Ignatz, who was pretending to sleep. The pain made it hard to sleep anyways.  
“Hanahaki. It’s a rare disease. I mean, rare enough that there are only three recordings of it in all of the library. In all of history.”  
“So it’s not a plague. Is it a curse?”  
“Well, technically. It’s a curse-disease hybrid. It’s not contagious, but it will... well... to put it bluntly there’s an entire flower bush growing inside his lungs. Leaves, thorns, flowers and all.”  
It was silent for a long moment, Byleth quietly going over the information.  
“What do you need to cure him?”  
Manuela gave a defeated sigh.  
“That’s the problem. Two of the three records, the victim eventually succumbed.”  
“And the third?”  
“It’s never outwardly said. Other than being cured shortly before finding true love. Kind of romantic in a way. Maybe love cured the affliction.”  
“Manuela-“  
“I know I know. Still, there’s nothing else I can think of doing that would help him. Other than cutting him open and ripping out the flowers myself.”  
“That’s too risky.”  
“That’s our last resort. Unless I can find something by the end of next month, I’ll have to do it. He either leaves here cured, disabled or dead.” 

Byleth paced, her boots thumping on the wooden floor. Then carpet as she took The chair by the bed to sit in. Ignatz closed his eyes right before her hands covered her face, and she leaned over in despair with a frustrated sigh. 

“Let Raphael come in here more to study with him,” Manuela said, “when he’s here, Ignatz seems much more at ease. And the last we need is stress on him.” 

Ignatz flinches as small calloused fingers lightly brushed his sweaty hair out of his face. They couldn’t be Manuela’s.  
“I will talk to my fathers mercenaries, they will search far and wide for another option.”  
“And what should I tell Ignatz? He can’t be left in the dark. There was another long silence, and Ignatz wanted to scream ‘I already know’ but Byleth sighed and said 

“It is his body. And he should know. I feel he might already know how dire his sickness is. There’s no use hiding it.”  
“What of the other students? They are so worried for him.”  
“I will tell them he is very sick. Anything more is his business to tell.”

——————

Raphael was the first to be told, and eventually Claude figured it out after snooping around Manuela’s office and the books she kept borrowing. Both promised not to tell anyone, not until he said it was okay. 

“You know, maybe the surgery won’t be so bad,” Ignatz mused as he and Raphael walked around the school. Raphael had become his escort, being the only one who seemed to be able to calm his coughing fits. Ignatz still needed exercise, and being cooped up in the infirmary was no good. He could make it to classes, but sometimes left early to hide his sickness from the others. Everyone was worried, he didn’t need them in panic as death might be at the end of the next month for him.

“You’re crazy, right? You’d never become a knight.”  
“Well.. that won’t be too bad, right? I can continue my painting. I’d be happy. I could live my own life like that.”  
Raphael stopped walking, and Ignatz slowed and turned to look back.  
“Ig, you know you can do that anyways, right? You can live the life you want to live, without destroying yourself.”  
Ignatz stared, and looked down to his feet. Raphael was right, he and professor had a similar conversation before. 

“Why don’t we sneak on top o the cathedral?” Raphael finally broke the silence, “the sunset has been beautiful, at least that’s what Sylvain said. So maybe we should check it out.”  
“Only the staff are allowed up there.”  
Raphael shrugged.  
“It’s just one time. And we’ll leave before anyone misses us.” 

——————

Orange, yellow, and the clouds painted in purple. And all he had was a pencil. Still with shading and crosshatching, the shades looked well enough.  
Raphael looked over his shoulder as he sketched. Normally it would unnerve him, but this was different.  
He couldn’t describe how, but it was.  
The scratching in his lungs were forgotten in that moment.  
—————

Unrequited love? That’s the solution?  
“Next thing I’ll be asked to find a true love and kiss him,” he grumbled.  
Still, he pondered over it, even more after he retched into a bucket, professor’s hand lightly rubbing his back.  
They both stared in horror at the yellow and with petals now came out as fully bloomer flowers, and stems began to show thorns.  
“I’ll be bleeding from the inside soon.” 

———— 

Soon, even Raphael couldn’t ease the pain. And as he doubled over behind the dorms, raphael could only brush back his hair and try to calm him.  
“Raphael,” he looked up into the soft blue eyes, looking scared as much as he felt. Everything was blurry, and the only thing he could think of was that silly fairy tale in his haze.  
“Kiss me.”

The confused and shocked look on Raphael hurt more than the flowers erupting from his throat. He lost consciousness right after. A feeling of falling, and strong arms catching him was the last thing he felt. 

———-

Unrequited made sense. Ignatz pondered over the notes. It made sense. Disgusting, infuriating, perfect sense.  
Seeds of love grow, flourish, but when not returned, there’s nobody to care for the garden grown within him.  
And he didn’t blame Raphael for not loving him back. He’s puny compared to everyone, and timid and weak. The only aspect good about him was his art, and even that could be considered a joke with his path laid before him. And his family was a part of the reason Raphael was a orphan.  
“I’m doomed.” 

He wanted to throw the notes aside, instead, he burned them in his hand with a hint of magic.  
Then, a moment of curiosity hit him.  
Can he burn them out?  
He summoned the magic, and pondered over how to direct it within his lungs. There would be smoke, and it would burn, but they would be gone. That’s all that mattered, right?

A tanned hand smacked the summoning away, and an angry Claude stood above him.  
“Are you am idiot right now?! What are you thinking?!”

“I-“ he stammered, Claude was never angry, “maybe I can burn them out-“  
“You’ll choke on the fumes, the flames will cook you! And the ashes from the flowers will still suffocate you!!” 

Ignatz bowed his head. That was foolish of him.  
“I’m sorry. That wasn’t the greatest idea, was it?” 

Claude sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, “probably the worse one so far. Don’t go killing yourself before teach finds the cure. She’d beat herself senseless if you died.” 

—————————-

Byleth held what looked to be a purple powder.  
“It was found right along the red canyon. I have a feeling it could be used to help.”  
“Help? How do you know this isn’t some pigmented dirt?” 

Ignatz stood and watched them argue. He was in a daze. And Raphael was the only thing grounding him as his hand softly rubbed his back. A coughing fit just subsiding. No flowers, but blood covered Raphael’s handkerchief. 

“It won’t cure it. Just subdue it. Shrink it down. If you mix it with rock salt and grounded sunflower seeds.”  
“Sunflower seeds?”  
“Any seeds from an allelopathic plant” 

Raphael grumbled in confusion. And Ignatz quietly went  
“An allopathic plant’s seeds have a property that keep anything around it from growing. It might prevent the flowers from growing too.” 

Byleth nodded.  
“How do you know this!”  
Byleth shrugged and tapped her temple “bit of heavy praying and searching. I figured it might help to try.”  
Ignatz gave a soft breath of relief. If the goddess is helping Byleth, then he was surely to be saved by her. 

————

The medicine was dry, and after temporary fussing between the professor and Manuela, they mixed it with smoking herbs.  
“I don’t approve students of recreational drugs,” Manuela sighed, “but it needs to make it through the lungs.”  
“I- I don’t smoke.”  
“Well looks like you’re gonna have to now.” 

It took a few days, but results were almost instant. Ignatz could still feel the ache of leaves brushing against his insides in ways that he could only describe as disgusting. Still, he no longer retched, and his coughing became minimal, then nothing. 

After returning back to classes, it was a month later, and the invasion of Garreg Mach began. 

“It’s over,” Raphael stared in horror over the remains of the monastery.  
“This is war,” Ignatz walked to raphael as he fell to his knees. A loud, angry sob came from his throat.  
“We weren’t strong enough.” 

Ignatz laid his hand over Raphael’s shoulder as a comfort. The man was so much taller. Than him, his head came to Ignatz’s chest. It would me intimidating to anyone. If it wasn’t for his soft demeanor, and the broken sobs coming from his mouth.  
“No, we just weren’t ready. Cmon, let’s go catch up with the others and find Professor. She’ll know what to do.” 

With a pull from the archer, Raphael finally pulled himself to his feet, and they began to search in vain.


	2. Part two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Don’t you dare make a lie like that.. you do love me. And for some twisted reason. you don’t love yourself.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had no idea how to end this, but yeah. Here’s the rest of my restless ideas formulated into a plot.

The monestary was in Ruins.  
Stone buildings were no more than rubble. Dust and wear of Mother Nature from the five years left alone was a sorry sight.   
Still, Ignatz admired it. Something about something so lovely, became something so desolate. The way moss had grown over the rubble from the old villages was oddly comforting. 

He took a long draw from his pipe, and exhaled slowly. Lorenz dismounted his horse as they finally slowed for the night.   
“The monastery is just ahead, but I think it best that we stay here for the night. Thieves and ruffians and who knows what else might be within those ruins at night.” 

“Isn’t that all the reason to go?” Ignatz watched as the final embers died down in the pipe. He blew it out as there was no more but ash within the bowl. During this, Lorenz pondered the idea.

“Well, I guess it be best to clear them out now instead of later. That, and the others must be arriving soon as well.” 

Ignatz stood, and Lorenz mounted his horse with a noticeable discomfort. They were traveling for days, and despite walking being hard, riding on horseback for days wasn’t exactly more comfortable. 

————

The bandits were nothing more than thugs. Still, the arrow that sunk into ignatz’s arm still hurts like hell.   
“Inhale,” Marianne commanded politely. Ignatz did so, and let out a pained exhale as she ripped it out quickly.   
“You’re lucky it’s not too deep.”   
“Deep enough to hurt! Oh goddess the blood.” 

Marianne places a delicate hand over the now gushing wound, and ignatz felt a warm numbness as magic began to stitch muscles and fibers back together. When she pulled away, ignatz stretched his hand slowly. Only a dull pain remained.  
“Please refrain from using a bow. It will put too much strain on your drawing arm if you do so.” 

Ignatz hummed and thanked her once she wrapped the wound. Funny, the same hand he uses to draw back the bowstring is the same as he actually draws with. And amusing irony, he assumed. 

——————

“You still have to smoke that stuff?” Raphael slumped on the bench next to Ignatz. He was sweaty from training with Byleth, and still seemed to be catching his breath. 

“Well, yes,” smoke fell from his mouth as he answered, “it wasn’t exactly a cure, but a medication to keep it at bay.” 

“So.. those flowers are still in there.” 

Ignatz pressed his hand to his chest, thinking of the flowers that now were probably no more than buds waiting to bloom.   
“It would seem so.”   
Raphael hummed.   
“You know, back when you were puking them up while they were in full bloom, they..” he hesitated, “I thought they looked beautiful. Minus the blood and all, of course!” 

Ignatz stared for a long moment, mulling over this fact. Once the blood started to cover the petals, he always considered it disgusting. Even now, when the occasional petal flies from his mouth harmlessly, he still finds himself disgusted by it. 

“Is this you telling me that I should let them grow back?” Ignatz felt the question sound more accusatory that it should have been. 

“What- no, of course not,” Raphael quickly responded, “I can admire the memory. I’d rather have you around than those flowers anyways.” The smile was genuine, but Ignatz felt the nervousness in his voice.   
Ignatz Bowed his head, because he realized that in that second, he would have thrown all of the medicine into the water if Raphael said yes.  
If Raphael wanted to see the flowers, Ignatz would allow his body to be overrun by them.   
That thought terrified him. 

He felt a coughing fit come over him, and he quickly excused himself. Still, there wasn’t enough distance before he began to hack on a fully bloomed flower.   
Oddly enough, no blood, and that almost startled him more than not. Ignatz stared confused for a moment, before dropping it to the ground, and crushing it with his boot.  
Damn Raphael.  
Damn this curse.  
Damn himself, for allowing his love for Raphael become a curse. 

——————

Raphael awoke slowly, and to a warm sense of magic on his chest.   
He remembers an axe, driving down towards him in the last battle against the imperial soldiers. 

He tries to sit up, but gentle hands stop him from doing so.   
“I’m still closing the wound, please be still”   
Raphael looked up to a very concentrated Ignatz. They were in the infirmary. White tent walls with the faint smell of blood and the overpowering scent of magic. It was full, from what Raphael could tell. 

“Did we.. did we fail?”   
“No,” ignatz still stared intently at the large gash, “A messenger said that Leonie struck down the general shortly after you fell. The mass retreated. Everyone should be back soon.”  
Raphael hummed. At least they won.  
“Is everyone okay?”   
Ignatz nodded, too busy to go on about the list of who he has and has not treated.  
Normally ignatz is out battling with the rest, but Marianne became overwhelmed by the injured, so he and Lysithea became helpers for the wounded and dying. His eyes felt heavy before, but before he could take a moment rest, Raphael was dragged in by a battle worn Wyvern that collapsed shortly after. The intricate ribbons along its antlers told them it was Hilda’s. 

When he saw Raphael was its passenger, and the large axe that was sunken into his chest, ignatz let out a wail of pain and fear as he called for help.   
That was an hour ago, and he had not stopped mending the fatal wound since.   
Thorns itches his throat, and petals practically spilled from his mouth, but the pain in his chest from the fear of loosing Raphael was enough to ignore it all.   
When was the last time he smoked..?   
He cleared his throat, and since Raphael had awakened, small groans of pain came from him.  
“I could really do for a feast after this,” he muttered as the worst of it was healed. 

“You could do for a feast anytime,” ignatz pulled a needle and thread. The worst needed to be stitched together. Raphael would be out of commission for a while. Along with Leonie.   
“What even happened? You could’ve been killed,” he began the thread the needle.

“I.. I kind of got careless. And by that I mean Hilda got surrounded while protecting some villagers. I ran to help, but once it was clear, I let my guard down. One of the guys chucked a throwing axe right at me. There was no dodging it. Not unless one of the villagers took the hit instead.” 

“You’re very noble.”  
“I’m a knight,” Raphael grinned. 

Ignatz began the stitching, and quietly groaned. The cut was so long, it would take a while to get through it. Still, he appreciated the closeness. The flowers never itches around Raphael. 

Still, he found himself partially flustered. He was admiring every scar along his chest. He wondered how this one would look once it healed, if he would ever see it up close like this.   
Raphael watched him work, and it would have been so easy for him to tilt his head and kiss the brute. Say to hell with it, and beg him to be more careful for his sake. That he wanted to be together after this war, and that one of them dying would shatter that dream. 

Ignatz bit his tongue. They were at war. There was no use going about what he wanted when there was a chance neither of them would survive. 

Still, when he finished and looked back to Raphael, his eyes seemed to be questioning the same thing.   
“Don’t go getting yourself killed again,” ignatz warned half heartedly. 

He saw from the corner of his eye Raphael’s hand reach to brush the back of his hair. Comforting, pulling him closer.  
“I’ll try my best.” 

Raphael leaned forward, lips parted. And ignatz was willing to remove the space between them entirely, even if Raphael was simply on adrenaline or magic drunk.

Byleth charged into the tent, a screaming Leonie in her arms. Blood dripping from her back. Ignatz quickly jumped to help. He felt that strong hand fall away, holding his hand before he was out of reach.   
The flowers rustled, but stayed still. 

“The general had a brigand of magic users. Every damn one of them sent a bolt of lighting to her back..”   
“You’re injured too. Sit down before you fall down.,” he took Leonie from Byleth, careful with her back, and carried her to the free cot. Byleth almost instantly collapsed. The only thing catching her was Claude, who made it through the tent just in time to catch her.   
They stripped Leonie’s armor, and the wound almost made him want to faint.   
Leonie still screamed, and Marianne casted a stilling spell over her.  
“All three of us. We don’t have much time.” 

———-

After the battle, when everyone was mostly healed up, ignatz rested on the soft grass in front of the infirmary. Keeping guard, and stuffing his pipe. 

He stared at it for a long moment, wondering if there was really a use for it. Why not simply let it rip apart his insides? A forlorn artist trying to live like a knight. A cast out lover who is cursed to suffer. Maybe he could cast growth on the infection until they burst from his chest. 

The imagery was horrid, but surely not as bad as Leonie’s back had looked. Bones blackened, flesh singed.. ignatz pondered how difficult it would be to recreate it on canvas. After the war, he hoped to sell paintings that related to it. The horrors, the moments of peace. Words told many, but his paintings could show just how terrifying it was .

He lit the pipe. The weed was soothing, and calmed his nerves. It also numbed the suicidal and dark thoughts of if blood would make a good paint that would stay vivid over the years. 

“Care to share?”   
Leonie slowly came to sit beside him, wincing all the way down.. Her entire torso was wrapped, a hard strike of magicked lightning had ran across he upper shoulder to her lower hip.   
“I’d suggest you go back and rest. You’re in no condition to walk.”   
“And yet I can walk,” Leonie rolled her eyes, “I can’t just lay on my stomach all hours of the day til it’s healed. Lorenz is going to watch me like a hawk after today, let me enjoy my final moment of freedom until this damn injury heals,” she sighed, “anyways, what do you have in the pipe?”   
“It’s medicine, but it’s harmless,” he passed it, “just note that it has a kind of-“   
Leonie hacked the first inhale, partially gagging.  
“-bitter.”   
“What an understatement!! By medicine I thought it just calmed your nerves!” She inhaled again, slower.   
“What is it anyways?” She wheezed, smoke puffing from her mouth and nostrils.

“The ingredients or the medicine itself?”   
“Both. Ugh, take it back. It’s like I am inhaling ashes and dirt.”   
“Well you kind of are. It’s minerals from the red canyon, and flower kernels grounded up with it.”   
“And... what’s it supposed to do?” 

Ignatz inhales, and came to remember that none of the class knew his symptoms or sickness. Merely that he was sick, and soon recovered.   
“Remember when I was sick for a few months?”   
“Yeah, teach just said it was a bad disease, but you recovered from it.”

“We found a partial cure, but it’s far from healed. That disease, It is called Hanahaki. I have flowers growing in my lungs. Their stems cut me and the petals choke me while the roots strangle me.” 

Leonie stare for a long moment, as if waiting for ignatz to awkwardly state that it was a jest.   
If only it was. 

“Someone has that back at my village,” she said. And ignatz almost choked on the smoke.  
“Were they one of the three to pass?”   
“What? No, he survived. He was told that if he confessed his love to the woman he adored, it would be cured.”   
“Did she... return the feelings?”   
“Well he would have been dead within the next week if she didn’t. Turned out she loved him since the beginning, but he had convinced himself that she loved another. The flowers never fully went away though, so maybe he was right.” 

Leonie plucked the grass at their feet. There was already a bare spot where ignatz was pulling before.

“When he died, it was quiet and peaceful. He was still far from old, but they built a great life and family together, he died content. And she never loved again. A year after he was buried, the same flowers that came from his throat bloomed around his memorial..” 

“His love went past the grave.” 

Leonie smiles. “It would seem so. She died shortly after from a broken heart. Buried beside him. And the flowers bloomed over her stone as well.” 

“A bittersweet ending.” Ignatz mused. Leonie hummed.

“When I was sick. We never had any recordings about anything like that. One story said that true loves kiss broke the curse. And that was the only lead we had for me.” The idea left him annoyed still. 

“Well damn, you never thought to ask Raphael to kiss you?” 

Ignatz flustered, and Leonie laughed. Still, the night when he got sick, and asked for his crush to kiss him. The stunned look in Raphael’s face..

“Oh,” Leonie sighed, “well, that was five years ago. Things change, maybe you should ask again. I’m sure he was just worried for you back then. Though, that sounds quite like a fairy tale.” 

“I wonder why your villages story was never recorded.”

Leonie shrugged, and began to pull herself to her feet. Slowly. Ignatz helped her up as carefully as he could.  
“My family kept to themselves like the rest of the village. Only those close to them really know the tale to be true. Besides, no one cares about a small town’s legend.” 

“You mean you were their-“   
Leonie called out a “goodnight!” And returned to the infirmary. 

———

They only came here once, and then, ignatz believe it would be the last time to see the monestary from the rooftops. Now. With everything under war. None could care less if one of the higher ranking knights wandered up there.   
Then, it was a sunset. But now, in midday, the clouds were white with only partial hints of blue, and the blue sky was in a color that ignatz was sure he had no paint to match it. Still, with easel and canvas, and it already sketched in gray, he began to paint it. 

It must have been hours, and the sky had changed dramatically. Ignatz watched the sunset, and allowed the painting to dry. His mind dabbled in the nostalgia, until the door back inside swung open.

“Hey ig!! I didn’t see you in the dining hall! I looked all over for you!”

Raphael held a large plate of food. It looked like leftovers, but still smelled tantalizing. Raphael surely helped out in the kitchen this night. 

“Sorry, I kind of wanted some peace and quiet for a bit was all.”

“Oh, should I leave you be then?”   
Raphael looked dejected, but ignatz book his head.  
“No, it’s okay. I finished painting. And I’m starving.” 

Raphael grinned and handed ignatz the plate while admiring the painting left on the canvas. The sun had just set, so the lighting was hard to see. Still, Raphael awes over it for a long moment after ignatz warned him that the paint may still be wet. 

“You were so amazing back before the war, and I don’t know how you found the time to, but you have improved so much!” 

“Thanks,” ignatz said. He was partially busy devouring the food on the plate, knowing Raphael May lecture him if he didn’t eat all of it.  
“I still sketched in my free time. And most of my travels was with Lorenz, who helped merchants with safe passages. Before the imperial army started taking over trade routes, I had a lot of time.” 

Raphael nodded.   
“You really are amazing. When this war is over, you’ll be creating amazing works like this all of the time!”

Ignatz felt his cheeks darken, and the flowers felt more like butterflies.   
“W-well it truly is just a hobby. I still plan to be a knight.”  
“Seriously?”   
Raphael glances at him, then back to the painting.   
“Surely you don’t think this as anything less of a passion.”   
Ignatz shrugged. This was a tiresome argument at this point. And Raphael, of all people knew this. The blonde sighed, and let it go.   
“The way you are so loyal to your views. I admire it. But sometimes I wonder if it’s a curse.”   
“What do you mean?”   
“Well,” he rubbed the back of his neck, “you convince yourself of something, and never let it go. Even if you might be wrong.”   
Ignatz sat the plate down, probably eating faster than he normally does, and sighed.   
“There’s a lot of things I convince myself isn’t right for me. And usually, I’m right. Even if it’s a trusted right. Even if I take the other route, I will find myself in the exact predicament I expected I would be.”

Raphael sat beside him, and leaned against the stone wall.  
“Sounds like you’re just scared of change.”   
“I am not!”  
Raphael laughed heartily. 

They watched as the stars began to illuminate the world around them. And despite the scenery, the cover of night allowed him to admire Raphael without any suspicion. 

Raphael was, in his own way, beautiful. His curly tuft of hair never changed, and ignatz wondered if he ever attempted to grow a beard, or just prefers clean shaved all of the time. Somehow he was bigger, and if it wasn’t Raphael, ignatz would be more astonished.   
Along his biceps, now visible with the more casual and light wear, was scattered cuts and scars all along his skin. Even along his face if ignatz squinted hard enough.  
He was so distracted, he didn’t hear what Raphael said  
“What was that?”  
“I said that there is going to be another battle tomorrow. Some demonic beast is killing a lot of villagers, and everyone is blaming Marianne.”  
“What? Why?”   
“Something to do with her crest was all the scholar said. Maybe it’s related to Sylvain’s brother, like how he turned into one.”   
“Maybe so,” ignatz pinched his nose. This whole was was about crests from ancient heroes. If only there was a simple solution to it all. 

“I’m going to go help take out the thing. Do you plan to come too?”

“Of course.”   
It was only one beast. 

————-

One beast quickly became two, then six, and by the eight Ignatz was in full panic.   
Lorenz had led one away, but was lost in the fog, and Shamir was cornered. Cyril, Raphael, and ignatz were caught between two beasts, who batted them around like dolls.

Distant physic spells from Marianne was all they felt, and that was faint.   
Their spaced out battle plan was useless. They hadn’t planned for hundreds of beasts to run at them in the fog. 

A swipe from a wolf sent him flying, and he quickly rolled to recover, and shot a retaliation arrow before pulling himself back to his feet. Raphael charged past him, steel gauntlets sinking into its face with a loud crunch and squelch of blood.  
It reared back, roaring in pain.

But it didn’t fall. Blood dripped like a running river, its yellow eyes and teeth still flashed menacingly.   
“We need to get out of here,” ignatz called, “quickly!”

Cyril swiped low on his Wyvern, his axe slicing across the other’s flank.   
It landed by the two. Ignatz could tell by its bowed head and panting mouth that it was exhausted.   
“I would call for back up, but this fog, it’d take me forever to find anyone. The only thing we can do is hide in the woods ahead. Their size will make it hard to maneuver around us.”  
They agreed, but they stared in horror at the demonic beast just on the other side of the woods.   
It was thrice the size of any other, and as it thrashed about, a careful Marianne slowed it down with magic spells to hold it still.  
Great, two wolves at their back, and a demon at their front.   
Cyril dismounted, and charged to help Marianne with subduing the beast.  
“He must be the leader, has to be. It’s like we wandered into a den.”

“Yeah, Let’s take it down.”

“Righ-“ ignatz flinched, and let out a pained gasp as something impaled him from just behind.   
Raphael turned, and everything felt slow as Ignatz saw the serious look on his face slowly turn to fear. Brows that were pulled down in anger shot up in shock, and then back to a fury.  
The sword was pulled from Ignat’z back. It was sweated, and ripped through ignatz a second and more agonizing time. He screamed in pain, and the phantom soldier held the bloodied weapon up to block the iron gauntlets attacks. The archer fell like a rock, and felt blood warming his backside and stomach. The longsword pierced right through him. 

He heard what could only sound like a beastly roar come from Raphael, and ignatz saw as the man charged at the assassin.   
Ignatz wheezed, he needed healing.   
There was no way he could heal himself now.   
“Raph..” ignatz wheezed out, but he didn’t come. The assassin didn’t take him out either, did it?   
“Raphael!” He cried. Goddess, he hurt. He could only concentrate on Raphael’s name, the pain overwhelming him.  
He was poisoned. 

“I’m here, Ig. I’m here.” Ignatz knew he was being lifted up, but everything felt numb and overwhelming all at once.   
“I- I think I’m poisoned.”   
Raphael looked down with terrified eyes, then dig in his satchel to pull out the last vunerarity they had. 

He looked down, as if debating something, before ripping off the armor and clothing around The archer’s torso.   
“It’s just below anything vital,” he states as he began to apply the miracle salve. “It won’t help the poison, but it’ll slow it down.” 

The medicine was cold, and it burned as it was rubbed into the wound. Ignatz could only cry in pain.  
He was going to die. He’d rather die than feel this pain. He’d rather have the flowers strangle him than this.   
“Raphael,” he reached and grabbed for purchase, for anything to hold onto. The knight grabbed at his hand, and slowly lifted him.   
They were still surrounded, and ignatz was useless. 

Cyril’s Wyvern roared and stamped impatiently, and Raphael knew he had no other choice.   
Ignatz climbed atop of it clumsily, and Raphael led his feet where to go.   
Ignatz mourned that his final moments were to be on top of a beast he had never once ridden before.  
“I need you to fly him back to the monastery. Quickly, they can help him there, please.”   
“Raphael don’t make me go.”  
“You have to. I’m too big to go with. I need you to hold on, and don’t fall asleep. I’ll meet you back at the monestary.”   
“Raphael-“  
“Please! Ig, we don’t have much time.”   
“Kiss me.”   
Raphael looked back, and that same expression from five years ago painted his face.   
This time, there was no hesitation.   
One hand came around the back of his neck, and the other still held tight to his hand.   
It felt like relief, like a promise made. Ignatz sunk into the kiss. It was chaste, desperate, and spoke more than ignatz could say.   
“I swear, I’ll be back with the rest.” 

The Wyvern took off before Ignatz could reply. And the entire ride back, he forced himself to stay awake, until the Wyvern finally landed in the monastery, and let out blood curdling cries until everyone came running to help. 

During his slow time of healing, ignatz thought of those last moments with Raphael. He replayed it over and over again. The longer it took for the company to return, the more he swore to let the flowers overrun him.   
Most of the nurses wondered if it was part of his injury, and he had to explain multiple times how it was a different affliction.   
Still, they grew restless, and ignatz began to wonder if it was best if he died before they returned.   
Raphael merely kissed him because, for all he knew, it might’ve been a dying wish. 

Two days passed, and ignatz waited at the entrance while smoking. It was barely sunrise, and he couldn’t sleep anyways. Dreams of Raphael not returning filled him with dread, so he snuck out of the infirmary to watch the sunrise. He attempted to make smoke rings as he smoked. The medicine seemed to do nothing more than quiet his suicidal and self deprecating thoughts. The flowers twisted and writhed as if they felt his anxiety.   
He wished they would disappear. 

He watched as Byleth and company finally came through, all headed to either the infirmary or the mess hall.  
Felix was forcibly dragged by Sylvain to the infirmary, despite his protest of “its fine! Just a simple flesh wound let me EAT.” 

Raphael came along with Byleth, helping her walk with a limp himself. A nasty cut along his cheek, but nothing more.   
Relief poured over Ignatz.   
Claude and Cyril both walked as well. Cyril practically carrying a nearly unconscious Claude.   
His Wyvern must have fallen.  
Cyril would be happy to know his was fine at least. At least, if stomping and flapping impatiently while brooding beside the gargoyles  
Was considered fine.   
———-

It was late, and a day passed since the return of slaying the ancient beast. Everyone was settling back in. Once Byleth and Claude recovered, they would be preparing for an attack on the imperial army. 

While that happened, ignatz, Lorenz, Marianne and Lysithea discussed strategies to take down hoards of beasts easier. Lorenz discussed having a full on charge, but Ignatz argued that it would take out too many barracks.   
Lysithea argues that it has to all be magic based, but Marianne argued that most had an immunity to magic.   
It was them running in circles. So they agreed to meet back the next day, with a list of new ideas to shoot at.  
“Still thinking hard?”   
Raphael plopped beside him with a heavy groan. The limo had still to go away, and ignatz worried if it would be a permanent affliction.

“Nobody can come to a proper strategy. One idea sounds good in theory, but another argument is all it takes to shoot it down.” 

“They’re not the greatest to fight against. And the imperial army has them like pets nowadays.”   
Ignatz sighed.  
“Maybe we can’t fight them. Maybe we are on the loosing side..”   
“Come on, thinking like that doesn’t help anyone!”

A shove to the shoulder made ignatz wince, but he sighed and leaned back.  
“I’m just being realistic” 

“Believing tut there’s a goddess looking down over us isn’t exactly realistic either. Or that teach has the power of a god fused within her, but we still accept it.” 

“I guess you’re right.” Ignatz picked up a pebble, and tossed it down the rocky stairway.   
“I just want this war to finish quickly. The more we fight, the less of a world we will have once it’s over.” 

Raphael tossed a similar sized pebble down the rocks as well. It landed we’ll pass ignatz’s.   
And a competition was made.   
Pebbles turned to rocks, then stones.   
It became another cleanup, clearing stones from still blocked off clearings and down an entrance that is no longer usable anyways.  
It wasn’t until Raphael brought a Boulder twice the size of Ignatz that he finally gave up.  
“You win.”   
He said as they watched it plummet down the stairs. It landed against another boulder, and there was a resounding crack. 

“Think I was sure to loose that fight anyways,” he sighed. He still had fun.   
“But you still fought,” Raphael mused.   
There was more to that statement, and ignatz felt a resolve bubble in his chest.  
The flowers were quiet.  
“Ig,” Raphael broke the silence, “that night in the beast den.” 

Oh, right.   
“I.. I was in a daze. I didn’t know what I was doing.”   
Raphael chuckled, “you’re a terrible liar.” 

Ignatz felt like running. This was an important conversation. One that he’d thought they’d avoid.

“You had a determination in your voice when you said it. There was no hesitation when you did it.” 

“Well...”

“It was the same that night five years ago.. when you got so sick And passed out. I was so scared, I froze up.” 

Is that what happened, ignatz thought. Was that just a misunderstanding? 

“Yeah.. I... I’m sorry about that. It seems I really can take advantage in dire situations, huh?” 

“Well, I’m just happy to keep up with you now.”   
Raphael rubbed his shoulder in a shy gesture.   
“Although, you can ask me anytime too. You know? I mean..” Raphael stuttered, “I want to be with you. Not just as friends or battle mates.. but..” 

Ignatz stared at the rubble as Raphael tripped over his own words. They were close, definitely too close for ignatz not to admire Raphael’s blushing cheeks and nervous smile. 

“I was so scared of loosing you.. and I don’t see this world being better without you being apart of it.. and-“  
He gave a frustrated sigh. Words were never his strong suit when it came to expressing feelings. Ignatz knew this, and used it to deflect the conversation.

“No, it’s okay. I... I know I’m not the greatest. Or the strongest. There’s a lot that I’m not.”

“Wait, that’s not-“ 

Ignatz smiled up at The blonde, but he didn’t look into his eyes. They were too welcoming. Too easy to fall into. And he can’t do that. Raphael deserves better than him.

“You can do so much better than me. So please don’t settle for me just because I would for you. You’ll be an amazing knight, with legends and stories to tell. I’ll happily paint the stories that we will see.” 

It had to have been well past midnight at this point, and the dark clouds finally began to precipitate. 

“Ignatz that’s not what I wa-“ 

“I think we should retire. It’s very late, and I need to speak with the others tomorrow about strategies.” 

And, in a blunt term, ignatz ran. And as Raphael called after him, and heavy footsteps followed.   
Ignatz still felt the steps falter with the limp, but Raphael still called after him as he followed ignatz. He expected Raphael to give up once they passed the fishing docks, but Raphael still called after him with a plea. 

“Please leave it be!” Ignatz called, finally stopping. 

the cool night air would have been tranquil, with the water echoing the quiet trickle of rain. It would be a perfect night, if not for the predicament at hand. 

“I won’t! Tell me I’m wrong! Tell me that everything That’s happened was a lie. IGNATZ” 

Ignatz fully stopped once making it to the greenhouse. It was locked, but he stood in the open area in front of it.

-

Raphael felt his stomach turn at the red cheeks, the redder eyes, and the tears dripping down his cheeks. His leg burned from the exertion, but he couldn’t just let Ignatz run from him again. He let ignatz go after the fall of the monastery, Raphael couldn’t let him run now. 

“Five years,” ignatz said, “five years I accepted the fact that I loved you. That I wanted you, and that I could never be with you-“  
“And you never thought to run that by me? Never considered that my feelings had a part in this too?” 

Ignatz sighed, a soft hiccup turned to a disgusting coughing fit. He held up a hand to stop Raphael from coming closer. He needed to be composed. This wouldn’t settle if he simply cried into Raphael’s shoulder like always.   
He spat out the lily, saliva covering it. Raphael stared at it, and ignatz crumpled it angrily.   
“I love you. I loved you probably longer than I know myself,” he dropped it, “and these flowers grow, because i can’t give all of my love to you. So it festers, and begins to kill me.”   
“Why can’t you? What’s stopping you from even trying to give it to me? Why can’t I love you? Why-“ 

Ignatz wanted to scream. They already were, but loud enough that the Goddess might strike him down to shut them both up. To shut him up, because the answer spilled from his mouth like the flowers would.

“Because i don’t deserve you!” 

Raphael paused, and stared with wide eyes. The same look he gave when ignatz begged him to kiss him all of those years ago. The same when he did kiss him when the sword drove through his side.  
“Why would you think that?” 

Ignatz could come up with a hundred reasons why Raphael deserved better. Someone stronger who could protect him better, someone who could match his prowess. Someone as passionate as him in being a knight. Someone who could give him a family, give him something to protect. Someone who didn’t murder his family. someone that wasn’t Ignatz.  
Still, as he ran over why it wouldn’t work, Raphael slowly came closer.

“Stop,” ignatz wanted to growl through gritted teeth. It sounded more like a whimper. “Please.” 

Raphael didn’t, not until they were standing in front of each other again. This close, ignatz watched the tears coming down Raphael’s face 

“I love you,” he gasped.   
“No, you don’t, you can’t.”   
“I loved you the second we went on that roof.”  
“You can’t. I don’t-“   
“You DO,” Raphael urged, “don’t you dare make a lie like that.. you do love me, but for some twisted reason. you don’t love yourself.” 

Raphael kneeled slowly, careful of his aching leg, and took Ignatz’s hand. He wanted to pull away, but Raphael had a strong grasp. And deep down, he didn’t want to either.

“Hanahaki isn’t unrequited love. It can’t be. Maybe it is the love you have for everything, but you keep that love to yourself, because you think the world doesn’t want it.. you think I don’t need it. That’s why it festers, you think it’s not worth anything. But it is. I need you.” 

Ignatz closed his eyes tightly, the pain In his chest hurt, but it had to be true. Still, with his eyes closed, he still saw large hands holding his one trembling. Blonde hair damped brown due to the rain.   
“Please, share that love. Don’t hold it back because you think I don’t want it. I want you, all of you. Ig. Your love, your smile, your passion, your art, your protection, everything.” 

Then, as if he took a leaf in Lorenz’s book, he bent his head, and kissed the other man’s hand.   
It was everything. That kiss was a question, a plea, a final attempt. 

Ignatz hiccuped. And when raphael looked back at him with tired eyes, ignatz finally threw aside everything holding him back, and practically lept into Raphael’s embrace.   
He hugged around his neck, pressing his cheek against the messy and damp blonde hair as whatever dam holding back his emotions finally broke. 

Strong, warm arms wrapped around his torso and waist, and ignatz finally, Finally relaxed into the embrace.

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah the cure for Hanahaki disease is to smoke sunflower-kernel laced kush that basically suffocate the flowers. Sunflowers refuse to let other plants grow near them. Here’s the long scientific explanation if you want to know more, it’s very interesting.  
http://www.thisgardenisillegal.com/2006/08/is-your-sunflower-inhibiting-you.html


End file.
